14/03/2011

Just heard that the lads are staying in a 4 star hotel thanks to some sort of charity organisation associated with the club, might try sending them my Le Meridien Hotel receipts to reimburse me. Seems a bit off for well-paid footballers to be taking money off a charity! Do they even have 4 star hotels in the north? They say that Leeds has a Harvey Nics but I’m not so sure about that judging by the tatty get-up that Bloody Big Bad Brendan wears. Nice shades though.
The eldest was up the wall earlier when she read online that the club were 45 BILLION lira or something in debt. ‘Marce will have to move to Utrecht and I’ll never get to go to Flambards again’ she wailed.


I said it would all be OK because from what I’d heard some fellow called David Brent who used to have his own comedy show was giving me a suitcase full of gold and some signed photos for the club. It’ll be just like when Eric Morecambe was in charge of Luton. Even had the son-in-law over and we cracked open the Morecambe & Wise box set. By the afternoon (and after a few schpeshials) we were re-enacting that famous scene with the oranges and sausages, dancing all round the kitchen lobbing toast to each other. The missus went spare with all the pips scattered all over the floor and crumbs everywhere.


Tried to get hold of Keith again - see if he wanted to book us as a stand-up act, the showpiece event of the summer for Home Park. The club tried to get the Krankies but the rider was too expensive, despite the fact that the son-in-law managed to get a deal on most of the stuff on the list - no idea what or who Meow Meow is!? We were thinking of some names, Double Dutch, or The Simpletons maybe? Was going to get his expert ‘event organising’ opinion on it. Went straight to bloody voicemail again though. ‘This is Keith - yes, yes I’ll have your bloody money for you soon’ said the all too familiar message.
Tried Big Pete but he was busy at Emperor Tropicals picking out some green fish for his new offices - wonder where they are?! He loves fish so he’s loved it in Plymouth - he only came down to see the National Marine Aquarium and do some crabbing he told me, but he’s still here.


Talking of Eric Morcambe, been n the phone all bloody day to Cumbria Football Club, still no invite to the game. Tried 118 118 and asked for Eddie. but he wouldn’t accept reverse charges - tightwad northerner! Get Michael Knighton back in - he knew what he was doing! Might cruise the jag up and down an A38 ambush one of Eddie’s trucks in a lay-by and climb in the trailer while the drivers taking a kip, all roads lead to Cumbria as they say.